Tuesday, December 14, 2004

after the pedestrian horn

Some readers may remember my unheralded invention, the pedestrian horn, which faded into obscurity after I learned that Delhi drivers use the horn as if it were a forcefield, not to sound a warning. Well, I have another invention -- or one that is needed anyway: A stoplight that burns up the engines of vehicles that ignore the various complexities of red lights and green arrows, or simply electrocutes the drivers. Perhaps you'll think that's a bit extreme. But try driving through the intersections in my GKII - CR Park neighborhood during rush hour, and you'll soon come to agree with me. What is the point of a stop light that tells those who need to make a right turn (me) when they can go with a green arrow if the others simply bull their way through until they achieve a giant snarl that takes hours to unravel (if some good Samaritan decides to direct traffic). Why not just put a girl in a bikini in the middle of the road with two red flags, like in some drag racing flick? As soon as she drops the flags, the demolition derby begins. Another pet peeve is the blinking red light. Do these things serve any purpose? I think I'm the only person in the country who knows that it is meant to signify to drivers that they are to come to a complete stop, look both ways, and then proceed through the intersection if nothing is coming. Everybody else seems to think it means "every man for himself." Wait! I guess they do have the red flag system! Only they've electrified it, and left out the girl in the bikini. Well, I can't say I approve of that innovation.

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